Combatting the office dullard

In my new occupation as an executive/personal assistant, I am fortunate enough to no longer have to deal with the inane chatter of officemates of past jobs. However, it seems that today one of my friends was dealing with that exact problem. So I, in my always helpful manner, offered her some counsel in ways to deal with a difficult officemate.

My first suggestion was to observe this. I always found his suggestions to be quite helpful.

The second suggestion encouraged my friend to become skilled in the art of confrontation. Is someone in the office bothering you? Tell them. Here is my exact advice:

Although I no longer need to utilize this since I work in an office by myself, I used to have an officemate that was always talking about herself. On the occasions when the rest of us would be having somewhat enjoyable conversations, she would take them for an unpleasant turn by "one-upping" and making them all about her.

My solution was to point this out. Loudly. In front of others.

Por Exemplo:

Annoying officemate: "Oh I know exactly what you mean. I remember when I wrecked my car and my daddy bought me a brand new one that was even better. I was so embarassed."

Me: "Ummm....first of all, wha? Second, no one cares. Third, please don't say you were embarassed, when clearly, you couldn't wait to tell us."

Annoying officemate: **uncomfortably silent**

Me: ***much happier***

This kind of response works in all sorts of conversations.
Gossipy officemate: "Did you hear what (insert random office skank's name here) did the other day?"

You: "No, but if it is anything like what I hear about you, please keep it to yourself. It's quite a burden holding on to ALL of your secrets."

Gossipy officemate: **confused look, walks away**

Have I actually tried these methods of staving off office annoyance, you ask? Most definitely. A younger more timid version of me would never have dared, but I have learned that sometimes subtlety doesn't quite cut it.

What have you found to work in this situation?