Monday, March 28, 2005

Heart Attack

This afternoon I almost rung in my twenty-sixth year with a heart attack. Well, not a real one, but something close.

I was backing out of my "space" at work, which I am always very careful about. You see, my boss always parks in front of our office when he is there. That would be directly behind and perpendicular to my car. My boss drives his newly acquired BMW to work. I am not all that into cars, but I have to say, this thing is beautiful. Everything about it reminds me why the payment on it is equal to about 4 months of my car. Again, I am always VERY careful when I back up. It's bad enough to hit a car when you are backing up. It's worse when that car is a BMW. It causes coronary malfunction when it is your boss' BMW.

As I backed up I checked all my blind spots. All was good. Beamer is in clear sight in the rearview. I start backing up and hear *SMASH CRUNCH*. Ability to breathe ceases at this moment, so the expletives were spoken silently. I look in the rearview before the inevitable tears of fear could reach my eyes. The BMW was still in plain sight in the rearview, but still looked far enough away. How could I possibly have hit it? I turn my entire body to the left and see a car that was hidden in one of the unfortunately large blind spots of the Honda Element. I have never been so relieved to see that I hit someone.

I pulled into a nearby space and hopped out of the car, trying to disguise my oddly placed glee. A woman who spoke a very odd version of English I was unfamiliar with started saying something frantically.

"You did no look, no hear, no SEE!!"

I looked at her funny and said, "I looked, but no, I did not see."

We looked at her car and there appeared to be no damage, although neither of us were sure of where I actually made contact. She inspected a bit further and then looked me in the eye for a moment.

"You lucky."

"Yup. Thanks." I took this to mean that I should go before she changed her mind. As I drove away my legs trembled as I thought about how close I was too ruining my newly acquired clean driving record, my job, and my boss' BMW.

Honda Element, bless your amazing back bumper.

Listening to: Redemption by Conjure One
Current Mood: Very relieved.

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